8 weeks… Sort of

Well posting this from phone so it will be a short post. Yesterday marked me as 8 weeks from my lmp. Scan however has put me at 7 and 4 today. Happy but want to get this first trimester out of the way. Tired and emotional and just want to be out of the most risky time. The scan was all good though. I was so prepared for bad news and when she said “oh, there’s the heartbeat” i had to make sure she was correct about 100 times. She showed me it blinking and i could’ve cried. I just couldn’t believe it was true. That everything was ok. I still cant. I want the next 5 weeks to fly by.

7 weeks….

Today marks the start of 7 weeks and it is chucking it down outside. I’ve managed up the starting of a cold and am feeling a little offish today. Still happy I’m pregnant yet the person I am sees the worse case scenario and worries about everything. I just want Monday to come so I can see that scan. See everything is OK and that a heartbeat is there. I’m terrified of 1- something going wrong before Monday or 2 – going in and being told bad news. Now a normal pregnant woman might have these concerns but this is in my head constantly. After my scan on Thursday it seems that all symptoms I’d been having have decided to take a break. I’m no longer nauseous to the extent I was, my boobs don’t hurt at all even with excess prodding. I’m sleeping despite my worries. Maybe I’m one of those lucky people who feel fine during pregnancy but I’m not enjoying it. I just have this terrible feeling that something isn’t right and I just can’t shake it. I remind myself that I’m not cramping or bleeding at all and that’s a good thing. Nothing will help though until Monday when I see that heart beat.

I guess that’s another reason I’m panicking. The babycentre group enhancing my worries. All of them are suffering, all of them saw heartbeats at 5+6. 6+2, 6w and I didn’t. I know it’s early and the chances of seeing one next time are good but it fuels my worries. I think I might have to avoid them until I feel safer in this pregnancy. Though that might not happen until 37 weeks. I know so many things that can go wrong. I wish I could be in blissful ignorance. I can’t even post my due date on the forums. Anyways enough of this whining. After 2 1/2 years we have got to this point, further than ever before. I should be focusing on that. Focusing on that the fact that no matter what happens we have managed to get pregnant by ourselves and that it is possible.  So yeah here is with the interesting stuff,

Whattoexpect says this – “Your baby is now about the size of a blueberry (and about 10,000 times bigger than he was at conception). Most of that growth is concentrated in the head as new brain cells are generated at the rate of 100 per minute. Your baby’s mouth and tongue are forming as arm and leg buds sprout, and those little kidneys are getting ready to do their job (pee production and excretion).”

How far along?Exactly 7 weeks

Total weight gain: I’ve eaten so much so probably quite a bit. I don’t own any scales though.

Maternity clothes? Nope, though was looking at jeans on-line but decided it would just enhance my fat.

Stretch marks?  Not that I’ve been looking to be honest.

Sleep: Like a log. Fall asleep at 10, stir to pee twice during the night, fall asleep with no problems when I get back. It certainly makes a change.

Best moments this week: The pizza! Oh my god I wanted pizza so badly the end of last week. I counted the hours to Saturday night and went and bought it. A large pepperoni and mushroom pizza. Assumed I would have half then and half the next day. I devoured the whole thing in 1 sitting and didn’t even feel bad afterwards. It was so fucking good.

Movement: Bloat, bloat and more bloat!

Food cravings:  Not really. Still off chocolate. Just the creaminess of it erks me.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really this week. Being hungry doesn’t help I know that much but that might just be my normal response to being hungry

Labor Signs:  None at all

Symptoms:  Not really any. Bloated but that might be my bread diet currently. Tired but then again I’m always tired. Cold but that might be because it’s October and it’s Ireland and it’s always cold here.

Anyways managed to week 7! Only 33 weeks to go!

6 weeks 1 day

So today was early scan day. Well it was unscheduled scan day. We were actually booked for our initial consultation with the infertility specialist in the hospital. Appointment was at 1.30. We were finally seen at 2.45. Yeah a wait and I was fucking hungry! Went in and the nurse was about to start filling in all the details of how long we’d been trying etc when I mentioned that circumstances had changed and that I was pregnant. (Still feel so weird saying that) and her reaction was amazing. She was so genuinely happy for us and got us sorted for an early internal scan. Then mentioned we’d get another at 8 weeks (bonus!). Well went in and met the dr I’d met in the past. He didn’t seem as happy as he had before but I guess it was because we’d messed up his nice day. Well got to meet the lovely dildo cam again with its horrible cold lube and man have I been sensitive down there recently. Luckily dr was gentle but geez! He did his scan and they saw the sac and fetal pole. There was no mention of a heartbeat but he says for my days it’s all looking fine and we should see a lot more in 2 weeks. The no heartbeat thing worries me a little but it is very early days, it’s incredibly difficult to see. Everything will be OK. Either way it was good. There is a baby inside me growing away and sucking the life forces out of me. It’s pretty much acting like the black hole it looked like on the scan.

Anyways on to the interesting stuff.

Whattoexpect says this – “You might be coping with full-blown pregnancy symptoms (sorry), but there’s plenty of good news too. Your baby’s jaw, cheeks, chin, eyes, ears, and nose are beginning to form what will eventually become one adorable face. In addition, her kidneys, liver, and lungs are developing, and her heart is now beating 80 times a minute (and getting faster every day). All this and she’s still no bigger than the length of a nail head (about a quarter of an inch) from crown to rump!”

How far along? 6 weeks or thereabout :)

Total weight gain: Still don’t have a clue. A bit though, that or I’m bloated.

Maternity clothes? Nope, still not yet.

Stretch marks?  Again nope. To be honest I don’t know how I’d be able to spot new ones amongst the current ones.

Sleep: On and off. Some nights I sleep like I’m in a coma, others I sleep terribly and spend the night moving between rooms and tossing and turning. Afternoon naps however I could do anyways. I’d love to sleep right now.

Best moments this week: My scan and seeing that there was actually a little life in there and it’s in the right place and growing as it should. Like I still can’t believe it. I’m terrified something goes wrong but I’m keeping my hopes up for this one.

Movement: Just bloat.

Food cravings:  Ummm I can’t think of any really. I’m a little off chocolate recently. Just don’t want the taste or texture of it. Really want pizza is the main one but that’s no different to a normal lust for me.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Moving too quickly. If I leave the house in the morning too soon I spend the first hour or so trying to figure out where I could be sick that wouldn’t make me look like a drunk person. I have to slow down my movements and just focus on breathing to get through it. It’s making for fun college mornings. Queasiness in the evenings is still here as well but only after eating a big meal. I’m dealing with it though. By the way ginger capsules do sweet fuck all for nausea except make you taste ginger each time you retch.

Labor Signs:  None at all

Symptoms: Well this morning’s song was “My boobs, my boobs, my boobs are on fire” – Yeah they feel sunburnt. Like I go to lie down at night and it feels like the skin is tearing. It’s fucking uncomfortable and like nothing I’ve felt before. I think me and Kim are off to buy a maternity bra this weekend. I’m also more tired and trying to nap each day and the nausea hasn’t left me. I’m still having stomach trouble on and off but that’s now combined with bloating to make me feel uncomfortable all the time. Pregnancy is a confusing time for my body. Oh and my sense of smell if through the roof. I can smell loads and my sense of smell sucks.

Amazed we have made it this far to be honest and can only hope that each day passes without incident. Just want the 21st to come quicker for my next scan. I have to see that heartbeat.

5 weeks \o/

5 weeks today \o/ I’ve slept terribly! I’m struggling to eat my breakfast! My boobs still hurt! This is progress as last time I never felt this rough. I take all this as a positive. My other half is hating it. Typically I want all the food that we don’t have and anything we do have I stare at in disgust and take forever to eat through. I have rye bread this morning, I’m glaring at it. But I also have peppermint tea and peppermint tea I love.

Guess I better get to the weekly update then.

Whattoexpect says this – “Your baby now resembles a teeny tadpole (complete with a tiny tail) and is about the size of an orange seed. The circulatory (or blood) system, along with the heart, is the first part of that tiny body to be functional; and as your baby’s heart starts to form, you may even be able to see it beating on an early ultrasound. Another part of your little tadpole that is under construction: the neural tube, which will eventually become your baby’s brain and spinal cord.”

How far along? 5 weeks \o/

Total weight gain: No idea as I’ve not weighed myself and don’t plan to. It’s too depressing :P

Maternity clothes? Nope, far too early. Besides my tops are all baggy anyways. Only my trousers would need an upgrade.

Stretch marks?  Nope. No new ones anyways

Sleep: I’m sleeping terribly. At night that is. During the day I nap fin. Yesterday I managed 3 hours during the middle of the day. The dog was happy with this, the other half in work was not so impressed. At night my mind races and my stomach does backflips trying to settle. It’s proving difficult to deal with.

Best moments this week: Finding out. Seeing those lines to perfectly formed with no doubts as to whether they were positive or not. Hearing the Dr say the words “yep, defiantly positive” with no hesitation. Managing to not tell my mother everything on skype yesterday. As much as I love her I couldn’t bare to tell her if we lost it again. She was so happy the first time we got pregnant and that ended so suddenly after. She’ll know as soon as we get that important 12 week scan. Hopefully around the end of November.

Movement:  Apart from my intestines acting like some sort of water slide not really. (tmi i know, but that’s pregnancy for you)

Food cravings:  Anything solid, like potatoes, pasta and white bread. It’s probably because my stomach is feeling like such a mess and typically I can’t take anything for it.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Pretty much everything at the moment. About 7pm’ish after our evening meal I feel the worst. Not sure if it’s from eating too quickly or not but it takes about 2 hours to ease off. Luckily that’s when I go to bed.

Labor Signs:  None at all

Symptoms: My boobs feel like they’ve been replaced with 2 large pieces of muscle. They are solid to touch and ache slightly. I’ve been cramping for about a week now. Not like AF, more like a stretched muscles kind of ache. A dodgey stomach. Everytime I ate something yesterday about 30 mins later I’d be rushing to the bathroom. I’m hoping today is alot better for it as I’m in college and don’t want to be having to run out of class all the time. Anything else? ummm…. That’s really it. Not as tired as I thought I’d be. But then again I’ve been tired from college so maybe it’s just the same level of exhaustion as that.

 

Will try and keep this up for each week providing this one lasts that long. To be honest I’m terrified. I’m trying to remain positive and my god I’m praying to anyone who will listen to let this be the one but you can’t help but worry. The days are going by so slowly for me.

The start of all things

So others might read my current blog http://reachandflexibility.wordpress.com/ As you might know from it as it’s something I go on about each post. We have been trying to conceive for nearly 2 1/2 years. We’re seeing our specialist on the 10th October to find out about things like endo and why it’s taking us forever to get pregnant/stay pregnant. I’ve also just started back at college training to be a dog groomer which is full time and is taking up a lot of my energy. That was until this week and this is the point of this new blog. I’ve made it on a new email address under a new name as only 1 friend and my other half Kim know. I’m pregnant…

I found out yesterday on CD33 of a 27-31 day cycle. The test so very classily done in the college loos first thing as I just needed to know what was going on. Whether it was stress from being back at college or the miracle I had been praying for for so long. Those 2 lines came back so clear. There was no doubt, no holding the stick up to catch the light just right. They were just there. Positive.

I booked a dr’s same day as to be honest I’m not relaxing like I probably should. During 2011 we lost 2 pregnancies very early. The first at 5w4d (the test taken at 5+2 was barely positive and the previous days had been negative.) This was 4 months into trying and the loss destroyed me. I then got pregnant 8 months later but again lost it very early at 4w2d. I’m currently 4w6d and just counting down to 6 weeks. 6 weeks is my first goal. Heartbeat time. I’ve been told I have low progesterone in the past and this is what possibly caused the 2 losses so I asked my GP about it yesterday when I booked it in. He said not to worry, that the levels were mainly for conceiving and that everything should be ok now. I want to believe him. The motion sickness feeling I get every now and again makes me want to believe him but the past experiences make me want to not get too attached to this life inside me. I also got told I wasn’t allowed pate which to be honest sucks as it’s the only thing I’ve really wanted to eat.

It’s strange because although we were trying to get pregnant I just didn’t expect it to happen again any time soon. And now it has. When I was so obssessed with college. Maybe this is what people go on about when they tell you to relax. I’m going to dive back into college work to make the weeks go quicker but I don’t want to miss out on the pregnancy that might be the one. I’m honestly so confused with how I should be feeling right now.

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Apologies for the crap camera quality